HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!! even though it's early XD

I just thought I'd say hi and give you all a bad update on my boring life XD On 3rd December I am going into London for the first time to see Othello at a small theatre company with my English Literature class. I am absolutely crapping myself cause I don't like London, never been London and don't like crowds of people when I have no one I know with me so I'll probably have a nervous breakdown or something...oir get bombed either way.

also, my mother found out about me speaking to my doctor bout my depression earlier as she kept houding me with questions that i didn't want to answer but i know her, she'll start looking trough my phone next to make sure and checking my mail just so she can see what's wrong with me.

Tomorrow I've got to go back to my councellor that I saw a few weeks back as she thinks she has some solutions as to what could help me with my problems. Again, get ready for the nervous breakdown

For I am nearly finished your b-day story, I just need to write the lemon part but I'm getting side tracked by a new story I'm writing but I'm not sure I should continue or even upload until hopefully reads the chapters I sent her through email....which I feel bad about cause she's on holiday yet I'm hounding her for my own purpose...sorry nee-chan feel free to read the chapter after your holiday I don't mind when hehe And I will finish the last three seven deadly sins stories.

To ------------------> Nee-chan, would you be able to give me the names of Alice's mother, father, grandma and two of her uncles or aunts please...cause I need them for your halloween story XD

The Seven Deadly sins are;

Envy - which was taken by using her character Alice [link]
Gluttony - which is taken by me. Now I just gotta figure out which character to use.
Greed - which is taken by my good friend using Lelouch and Susaku from Code Geass
Lust - which is taken by using her character Alayna XD
Pride - which is now taken by using Sasuke and Naruto. [link]
Sloth - taken by using her character Celeta [link]
Wrath - which is taken by using his character Soul Kuriko [link]


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Clubs I'm in;

DA Family;

Otou-san;

Onee-chans; (aka the crazy aunt) (aka My Wife XD)

Onii-chan;

Dobe-chan:

If you want to be a part of my DA Family then just lemme know and

Hey every body, I'm feeling just a little depressed today although I don't know why. I just feel...down. Like everyone's out to get me (which I'm fully aware is a stupid reason but that doesn't stop me from thinking it). I even did something today that would have been impossible a year ago. I willingly walked into nearly five shops and asked for a job! My mum is proud of me and I'm kinda proud of myself really and many people may say 'Oh that's not much of an acheivement, I could do that anyday' but they hadn't known me a few years ago. A few years ago, I was too scared to walk into a classroom of people or even walk up a long alleyway in the morning because I was scared of people. That's how bad I was so today WAS a great acheivement ^o^

I'm so tired! I've been sleeping enough...nearly 9-10 hours a day but for some reason...I always wake up tired. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Sorry for boring you all but I needed to tell someone and my mum is out of the question with how she's feeling at the moment. But thanks for listening...or reading or whatever
The Seven Deadly sins are;

Envy - which was taken by using her character Alice [link]
Gluttony - which is taken by me. Now I just gotta figure out which character to use.
Greed - which is taken by my good friend using Lelouch and Susaku from Code Geass
Lust - which is taken by using her character Alayna XD
Pride - which is now taken by using Sasuke and Naruto. [link]
Sloth - taken by using her character Celeta [link]
Wrath - which is taken by using his character Soul Kuriko [link]


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Clubs I'm in;

DA Family;

Otou-san;

Onee-chans; (aka the crazy aunt) (aka My Wife XD)

Onii-chan;

Dobe-chan:

If you want to be a part of my DA Family then just lemme know and

Hello Everybody,

I'm sorry the title is rather misleading

I'm feeling abit better than my last journal which, I might add, a tad too depressing for me too keep up so I'm going to ramble for a bit ^-^ Lately, I have been constantly listening to Whitney Housten's song I have nothing which featured in the film 'The Bodyguard' starring herself and Kevin Costner. I have no idea why I like it so much as I don't usually listen to many love songs...especially ones like this one But I can't just love it too much and I'm now on my second time listening to it today while writing this journal.

Halloween is coming up and I'd like to do something for it but I don't know what exactly. I wish to draw something but I can't draw to save my life so that's out of the question so maybe I could write something but I have absolutely no idea on what to write for 'All Hallo's Eve'. Now Darren Hayes' Insatiable is playing. So maybe you guys could give me some ideas; like a setting, theme or something. I feel like doing something gorey (sp?) and terrifying like my first Halloween one-shot but only with more gore and horror and yet I can't think of anything suitable.

I also have a heavy task of producing a 5 minute maximum opening sequence of a film of something of my choice and I chose to do a Television film about a cancer patient. The only problem, I have no idea how I'm going to make it suitable for that specific film with a zero pounds budget Yup. I have no money to use for the production therefore, it'll look very amatuarish and possibly worse than my horror trailer last night.

Also, to any of you that have been waiting for me to write them a one-shot, I am ever so sorry that I haven't wrote them yet or finished them, I've just been pre-occupied but I will get them done so do not fear! I will have them finished

I would like to ask anyone who bothers to read this journal, for five random words, a choice between Yuri, Yaoi and Hentai as well as a choice between any couples from the following animes: DNAngel, Naruto, Yugioh, D-grayman, Death note, Cardcaptors and Vampire Knight and a genre such as comedy, horror, romance, action etc please as I really want to write something for Halloween!!! Baring in mind, most of the stories shall be Fluff as I cannot deal with doing too many lemons or limes at the moment XD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAR WIFE, SHE IS 19 TODAY AND I WISH HER ALL THE BEST AND I HOPE SHE HAS A GOOD DAY!!!

I want to wish a dear friend of mine a belated happy birthday for yesterday as I had kinda forgotten about wishing her a happy birthday until after I had completely shut down the computer so please forgive me!! Anyways, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!! Loves ya hun!

The Seven Deadly sins are;

Envy - which was taken by using her character Alice [link]
Gluttony - which is taken by me. Now I just gotta figure out which character to use.
Greed - which is taken by my good friend using Lelouch and Susaku from Code Geass
Lust - which is taken by using her character Alayna XD
Pride - which is now taken by using Sasuke and Naruto. [link]
Sloth - taken by using her character Celeta [link]
Wrath - which is taken by using his character Soul Kuriko [link]


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Clubs I'm in;

DA Family;

Otou-san;

Onee-chans; (aka the crazy aunt) (aka My Wife XD)

Onii-chan;

Dobe-chan:

If you want to be a part of my DA Family then just lemme know and choose your role in the family.

On a slightly happy note, I have a cold. I have absolutely NO idea how I got ont but I did and now I'm suffering but luckily it's getting better except for my throat.

I'm having a depression screening on Friday so I'll finally know for sure whther I have depression or not.

Now for the difficult part, I'm only posting this up here because I'm too scare and ashamed to talk face to face with my friends about this, so I'm asking as a favour, when you next see me, please don't mention what I'm about to say near my mother because I don't want her to know, please don't question me about it because I'll sort myself out, I promise and please don't shout at me for what I've done,
Lately, I've been self harming. I'm sure Ellie, you might have noticed on Sunday but you haven't said anything and for that, I'm grateful but I'm not glad for what I've been doing. I know we've always said that if either of us found out any of us were self harming, then we'd kill them but it kinda changes when it's you that's doing it. I've cut myself 4 times on my left wrist and twice on my leg. It was just a means to let myself know that I am still human and that I shouldn't feel as low as I do inside but it doesn't help....and yet...and yet I do it anyway. It..it feels good to know that I can physically hurt myself and not feel anything besides the slight stinging sensation that comes after the initial act. I'm sorry. I know I've always said that iot solves nothing and that I'd never do it but I couldn't help myself. I'm so so sorry. Please forgive. Please don't hate me. I just...needed to say something to someone whether it was over the internet or even through text but that's too risky. My mum would have found out and that's not something I want. I just want....I don't know what I want anymore. I-I don't know what to do wiht myself. I keep having all these thoughts that just one cut in the right place could ease all my pain or that no one would miss me if I just...disappeared...but then I'd think, what if I don't succeed? what if I survive or don't 'disppear' and end up hurting my family and friends?? too many what ifs go on in my mind and I have o way to stop them! Please forgive me. Please don't hate me!! Please, I beg you, don't....

The Seven Deadly sins are;

Envy - which was taken by using her character Alice [link]
Gluttony - which is taken by me. Now I just gotta figure out which character to use.
Greed - which is taken by my good friend using Lelouch and Susaku from Code Geass
Lust - which is taken by using her character Alayna XD
Pride - which is now taken by using Sasuke and Naruto. [link]
Sloth - taken by using her character Celeta [link]
Wrath - which is taken by using his character Soul Kuriko [link]


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Clubs I'm in;

DA Family;

Onee-chans; (aka the crazy aunt) (aka My Wife XD)

Onii-chan;

Dobe-chan:

If you want to be a part of my DA Family then just lemme know and choose your role in the family.

Do you sometimes feel like you're not wanted? Like, the person you trust the most, doesn't even want you near them? Yes? No? Sometimes? Well that's how I'm feeling right now. I seriously don't think my mum trusts me anymore. I don't think she wants me to help. she never tells me what's the matter anymore. She only speaks to other people like Jason, Pat or Leslie. Right now, she's crying in the next room, I can see and hear her and yet, she won't tell me a thing but as soon as Leslie phones up, she spills everything. It's like, I'm not important so I don't need to know what's making my mum so unhappy. Sure she suffers with Manic Depression and such but that never stopped her before! Now I feel like I don't belong here, like I'm the outcast because she tells me nothing. the only things I kow is what I over hear or manage to guess correctly myself.
She always says I'm a lovely girl, a kind girl, someone she can trust, someone who doesn't judge her and stuff like that but how can she expect me to tell her everything, if she doesn't tell me everything!?! I just...I just feel alone and scared and although I'm only 18, I'm not naive so I could try to understand what's going through her mind but unless she tells me, I can't help her. What do I do? Someone please tell me what to do? I can't talk to her, no one would say anything to me if I asked them so what can I do? If I try to talk to her, she'll shut me out. She does it all the time so what can I do? I-I don't want anything to happen to her. You all may think it's stupid for me to be scard when it's only a bout of lowness but she's tried to OD before and I know she'll try again if she get's into that frame of mind again. I know she will.
I'm sorry for writing this pointless journal but I needed an outlet, something I can pour my emotions into. I just needed someone to talk to even if it is over the internet. I don't want to cry. Or lose my mum. I'm sorry.

The Seven Deadly sins are;

Envy - which was taken by using her character Alice [link]
Gluttony - which is taken by me. Now I just gotta figure out which character to use.
Greed - which is taken by my good friend using Lelouch and Susaku from Code Geass
Lust - which is taken by using her character Alayna XD
Pride - which is now taken by using Sasuke and Naruto. [link]
Sloth - taken by using her character Celeta [link]
Wrath - which is taken by using his character Soul Kuriko [link]


------------------

Clubs I'm in;

DA Family;

Onee-chans; (aka the crazy aunt) (aka My Wife XD)

Onii-chan;

Dobe-chan:

If you want to be a part of my DA Family then just lemme know and choose your role in the family.